How to build self-confidence and embrace uncertainty as an autistic person.
Building confidence and embracing uncertainty are the steeping stones towards success and greater personal development.
Building confidence and dealing with uncertainty are very difficult aspects of life that every autistic person struggles with at many moments in their lives, but it doesn’t have to stay that way and by increasing resilience for them, your life can be more inspiring and enrichening.
By definition, uncertainty is a fear-provoking thought that people have when they’re anxious about future events or situations where the outcomes is out of one’s control. For autistic people, they react to uncertainty with negatively to new situations or events because they can’t predict what is going to happen and can lead towards building anxiety. This pattern of thinking can lead to building an intolerance for uncertainty and can affect their thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
As anxiety is one the major cornerstones of the autistic spectrum, it’s natural that dealing with uncertainty is also part of the spectrum as well; basically, they both work hand-in-hand and can still be very frightening for the autistic person, if not managed effectively and gradually reduce its severity. Some autistic people find uncertainty so stressful and upsetting that they do everything to avoid it, for example refusing to go to school or going to social events. The latter is one at every autistic person struggles with as we lack the understanding of social skills.
Ever since from being a child and growing into my teenage years and early adulthood, I’ve always struggled with uncertainty where I needed to be in control and have a rough idea of what’s ahead in a situation or event so I can mentally prepare for it. Uncertainty can be very distressing in situations where a lot of changes are taking place at once, which we all have those moments at various points in our lives, and can build up overwhelming pressure for autistic people, as they religiously like their routines and will get very upset when sudden changes interrupt them.
There have been many moments where uncertainty has plagued my thoughts and kept me in this never-ending cycle of fear and needing to know about things before they happen. As a child, going from being at an autism specialist school and put into mainstream schooling at the age of 8 is an example of where uncertainty is prevalent as it is a whole new setting and having to learn new routines, with a different set of teachers and support assistants who don’t know me and have to be educated on managing autistic students.
This is a feeling or situation that I’ve come across many times where teachers in schools, primary or secondary as known in the UK, don’t really know anything about autism and confuse autistic behaviours with being naughty children. This can lead to autistic students being expelled or under disciplinary procedures of what school might call ‘bad behaviour’ but autistic children display certain behaviours as their way of showing their distress and anxiety for a situation or event they feel unsettled in. This is due to sensory overload and feeling uneasy to the point to want to get out of the situation and to a place of calm and safety; which is called our ‘comfort-zone’.
Other example of uncertainty is when I got to eighteen years old and going through the transition from being a child to adult and the level of so-called support that is supposedly to be there to help autistic people wasn’t there. Government cuts to public services across the country (UK) at the time, made me struggle with getting support into employment and all efforts I tried to make on my own was basically thrown back in the face and every door was slammed shut. Even though awareness of the autistic spectrum has got better but doesn’t result in greater support and opportunities for autistic people.
These experiences led me to going to college and university to get a better education as I left school with no qualifications, so it can help increase my job prospects, as well as getting as much work experience as possible, even though employers saw me as unemployable. Initially, I wanted to build a career in accountancy but I always came up with the same barrier that no company will give people experience but want five to ten years’ experience for an entry-level role. That’s the most frustrating factor that everyone seems to face when they start out in their careers, regardless of which industry they’re in. This does knock your confidence way back and you have to pick yourself up again, as rejections need to be seen as opportunities rather than failures, so you can become more resilient and stronger as a human being for a brighter and prosperous future.
Building self-confidence and embracing uncertainty can be a very challenging journey of self-discovery for autistic people, but it's absolutely doable to overcome any barriers and strive forward in life with the right mindset and practices. Here’s some tips that can help you on this journey:
1. Shift your mindset about uncertainty.
View uncertainty as a mechanism for growth instead of fearing the unknown, as growth, creativity and new opportunities arise and embrace it as a journey rather than an obstacle or the end outcome. Control is an illusion to the point you can be chasing your own tail, if it’s allowed to control your thinking process and put you under immense pressure about controlling every outcome or predicting the future when the universe doesn’t work like that. Reframe failure or rejection as learning and an opportunity for other doors to open. Confidence grows when mistakes are made and are used as stepping stones, not setbacks, to learn and develop more and becoming a best version of yourself for it.
2. Practice self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Knowing your strengths is a very important part of the process of building confidence and embracing uncertainty. Take time to reflect on your skills, talents, knowledge and past successes, so that you can recognise what you’re good at and what areas you need to improve on, which combined gives you a solid foundation of self-assurance. Remember: the only validation that matters to you in this world is your own. Acknowledge your fears and labelling them to reduce their power over you and accept imperfection, as confidence is not about being perfect, it’s about accepting you are as a person, flaws and all.
3. Take small and calculated risks.
Overcoming anxious fears about uncertainty feels overwhelming, begin by taking small risks outside of your comfort zone. These can be anything from speaking up in a meeting to trying a new hobby. Over time, these small wins will add up and boost your confidence. Upon taking risks and making decisions that help you move forward, always reflect on what you have learned, regardless of the outcome, as every experience teaches you something valuable and in turn builds your confidence. Also, celebrate the little wins you make in your progression to embracing uncertainty and by giving yourself credit, the more confident you’ll become.
4. Build a supportive network of people.
Surround yourself with people that brings positivity about them and encourages you in your efforts of becoming more confident and embracing uncertainty. Negative people just feed into your fears and self-doubt, which you want to ignore and chase your dreams and ambitions with nerves of steel and determination. Seeking potential mentors or role models can give you guidance through uncertain times, which can help you navigate challenges more confidentially and effectively as they may have faced similar situations and learned from their experiences. Also, asking for feedback from people you trust or have an authority voice in their field of work or expertise, as constructive feedback can help you see yourself more clearly and provide you with valuable insights on where to improve for the better.
5. Develop resilience and self-compassion.
Resilience is key to navigating and embracing uncertainty. Life will always have ups and downs and it’s how you respond that shapes your confidence. It involves bouncing back after setbacks and maintaining a positive outlook even when things don’t go as planned. Develop a growth mindset that tells you to embrace challenges as opportunities to learn and improve. When faced with obstacles, remind yourself that failure doesn’t define you — your ability to adapt and grow does. Always be kind to yourself as you’ll make mistakes and it’s okay not to have everything figured out and you’re doing your best. Instead of being critical, practice self-compassion and use positive affirmations, like: “I’m capable of handling uncertainty” or “I trust myself to navigate challenges”, as these can help reframe your mindset and strengthen your inner confidence.
6. Focus on the present moment, not the future.
Let go of the "what-ifs" thoughts that hold you back as the future is unpredictable, and overthinking about "what could go wrong" can paralyse you. Practice being present and focusing on what you can control right now. Mindfulness techniques, like meditation, deep breathing, or journaling, can help reduce anxiety around uncertainty. The calmer and more grounded you are, the easier it is to face the unknown with confidence. Even if you're unsure, taking action can often build the confidence you need to keep going. Procrastination fuels doubt, while action creates momentum. Trusting your instincts is a powerful guide, so learn to trust your gut and make decisions based on your values and beliefs, even if the outcome is unknown.
Upon reflection, confidence isn’t something that happens overnight and it takes time to build through experiences and making mistakes towards the dreams and goals you’re working on in life. By embracing uncertainty and the challenges it brings, autistic people can become more resilient as people and more able to tackle unforeseen situations or events that they come across. The more you face uncertainty with an open mindset and instilled sense of determination, the more you’ll develop the strength to move forward confidently, no matter what life throws your way.
By using the tips I’ve given above, you’ll develop more as an individual and prove to yourself that your fears and anxieties are only unwanted thoughts that are holding you back and you can achieve a lot more in life than what your mind is telling you. Your mind can be your best friend and your worst enemy, so choose wisely and honour it well. Self-confidence has been a strange thing to master for autistic people, myself included, but by facing your fears head on like with any anxious thought and building the resilience to not let them bother you, you’ll soon realise that autistic people are more capable of a lot of things in life and have the potential to achieve their goals and dreams against all the odds.
Make me very proud, as you would be for me!