The love and hate relationship we have with autism.
Explaining why autism can be your gift and your curse and how to nurture it in the right ways.
‘Autism is your gift and your curse.’ That’s a phrase that you’ll have heard before many times and often wonder what does it truly mean and how does it impact you as a unique individual on the autistic spectrum? That’s what we’re going to discuss in this newsletter.
The emphasis between a gift and a curse is where individuals have many talents and abilities that brings benefits and enjoyment to their lives but also many aspects of their autism that brings daily struggles and challenges to their lives. To a lot of autistic people, if you ask them about if they like being autistic or not, you’ll mostly get the answer that autistic people wouldn’t change their autism for the world and it’s part of who they are as a unique individual. On the flip side to that, autistic people do have various challenges in life that makes their day-to-day living more of a upheaval than a systematic set of routines that supports them massively and builds on their unique strengths.
What shapes one’s perceptions for their autism is the life experiences they’ve had to endure up to the present day and how they went about changing their beliefs and circumstances, to make their lives more fulfilling and less anxious-driven. Also, how society treats autistic people increases the insecurities that they feel due to lack of services available or misunderstanding from non-autistic people for the things that autistic people have to go through and the challenges they face, which leads to having strong feelings of loneliness and other mental health problems.
Autism Gifts
There’re many attributes that autistic people possess that can be seen as ‘gifts’, which are unique to each individual. Here’s some attributes that are common with those on the autistic spectrum:
Unconventional thinking and creativity
Many autistic people do have meticulous ways of thinking patterns that can be seen as highly logical and unconventional, as they do like to follow a natural order of how things are supposed to be done and never try to find ways that don’t deliver the desired effects. These thinking patterns support massively for innovative problem-solving skills and ability for creativity on projects that matter. Autistic people are renowned for taking great pride in any work they’re involved in and don’t like participating in work cultures that works against their principles of wanting to do the best job possible or threatens their overall mental state.
When I originally trained as an accountant, I always wanted to make sure that the work I did was done correctly, to the point where the ‘perfectionist’ within me was at work, as well as helping the business to find positive ways on how things can be done more efficiently that aid many elements within the finance team of any company. Even though I did some praise for the work that I did, but I found there can be some element of resentment from certain members of the team who didn’t like change and will do anything to discredit my efforts or basically make me feel very undervalued. That’s a feeling that everyone in this world has experienced at least once in their working life.
Deep-focus attention and passions
Autistic people do have a deep sense of immense attention when it comes to their interests or topics they’ve got deep affinity for, which are also known as ‘special interests’. These intense (special interests) can lead to developing deeper knowledge and expertise for many subjects and topics that brings enjoyment to an autistic person’s life and can lead to forming fulfilling careers or lifelong sources of joy.
For me, one of my biggest passions is classic and luxury cars which stems back from following Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear from being a teenager. This has then evolved into me becoming a big fan of the James Bond franchise. I can remember all the titles of the 007 films and the years they came out, as a photographic memory and this shows how deep-focus attention an autistic person can have when talking about their favourite subjects for hours on end.
Brutal honesty and authenticity
Autistic people communicate in a direct and genuine way, which breathes honestly and authenticity when communicating with people. As autistic people don’t understand sarcasm and jokes as easily as neurotypical people do, it can be refreshing for a person to speak to another without the need of masking their genuine intentions or hidden meanings or agendas to take place in the rapport building process towards others.
I’ve never understood sarcasm and some jokes that other people have said to me over the years and mostly probably never will. That said, I do have a sense of humour and probably find certain things funny that other people might not see in the same way. That’s what makes us all different and there’s no shame in that. I like old British sitcom comedies, like: Mr. Bean starring Rowan Atkinson, which I watched all the time as a child and still find it funny even to this day. Where on the other hand, a family member doesn’t see the humorous side to the show.
Heightened sensory perceptions
Autistic people do experience the world in vivid details, like: sounds, patterns, or visuals that others might miss, which is a huge advantage that autistic people can use to stand out from their peers and these skills are the source of inspiration for creativity, like: art, music, or design. They’re also known for their attention-to-detail skills to spot things that neurotypical people may struggle to find, which contributes to great problem-solving and innovation abilities. These key factors, along with many others, are being seen from some of the greatest entrepreneurs and famous people in the world, like: Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and many more.
I’ve got a very good photographic memory for details, dates and spotting trends in variety of information, which helps me to able to analyse effectively and produce outcomes from the information given, especially if there’s a routine sequence of doing things which then I am in my element. Routines and sequences are something that autistic people do thrive on.
Autism Curses
On the flip side, there’s many challenges that autistic people experience that causes them to question themselves, which can be seen as ‘curses’, again are unique to each individual. Here’s some challenges that are common with those on the autistic spectrum:
Social interaction challenges
Struggling with social situations and read social cues is one of the many hallmarks of the autistic spectrum. Dealing with the unspoken, unwritten rules of socialisation as an autistic person brings a lot of unnecessary pressure as they want to communicate and build friendships with others but lack the social skills needed to build those relationships. The lack of friendships can have a big toll on an autistic person’s mental wellbeing and it’s important to safeguard their overall mental state when dealing with strong feelings and thoughts of loneliness.
Socialisation has been a massive challenge for me over the course of my autistic life and still is a hurdle, even though I’ve got better as an adult compared to being a child. As a child, I’d always got on better with people that were older than me and had more life experience, as I felt that I could learn important things from others, which was a sign that I was wise for my young age and this notion is still with me to this day.
Sensory overload meltdowns
Sensory overload plays a major part of every autistic person’s life. These sensory overloads can lead to the autistic person having a sensory meltdown and this can be triggered by a range of external factors, like: loud noises, bright lights, certain smells, foods and clothing textures and many others that can cause physical discomfort or anxiety.
When it comes to my experiences with sensory overloads, the biggest one is loud noises in very busy public places, where it gets to the point that I have to leave the environment and seek refuge in an area that’s more calming and bring my stress levels down. How I respond to very busy public situations have got better as I’ve got older compared to when I was a child but there’s still a limitation of how much I can manage before enough is enough and have to pull myself away from the situation.
Mental health struggles
Mental health and anxiety are one of the major cornerstones of the autistic spectrum and a majority of autism behaviours are influenced by an anxiety disorder, even though in a lot of cases, it’s not treated as a separate diagnosis. Autistic people are more likely to face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout, compared to neurotypical people and anxiety is mainly caused by societal pressure to ‘mask’ their autism traits or conform to societal norms.
As an autistic person, I’ve had a long relationship with anxiety and mental health, where I’ve suffered with anxiety attacks and physical distress caused by intrusive thoughts and phobias, to the point where I didn’t want to leave the house. That said, I pushed forward with resilience to overcome a majority of my anxiety and is more manageable than it ever has been.
Discrimination and lack of understanding
Many autistic people face judgments and exclusions in society due to the lack of understanding from neurotypical people and the lack of services available to autistic people when they need them. I’m unsure of what services are like around the world but in the UK, there’s hardly any services that are designed for autistic people and those with other long-term learning disabilities and the services only available are absorbed into mainline services where waiting lists are a common sight.
Over the years, I’ve experienced discrimination in the workplace and being denied jobs for when I’ve been to interview for, all simply the employers don’t want to see the potential and skills an autistic person can bring to the table. They don’t necessarily need to say it directly to your face when their facial expression when you mention autism in a positive way when answering one of their questions that they have no intentions of considering you for that role. Us autistics develop a six sense for these kinds of things and it hasn’t let me down yet.
The tips that I give to autistic people to develop a better relationship with their autism, change their perceptions and nurture it despite their gifts or curses.
Create a journal and identify what are your strengths and weaknesses
By identifying what your strengths are, you can then praise yourself for things you’re great at and keep nurturing it, as having a natural talent for something only gets you so far before you need to enhance those skills. A good example of this is where Ronnie O’Sullivan has a natural talent for playing snooker and makes it look easily, but he has had to evolve his skills and playing style to keep himself relevant in the game that is getting more competitive.
On the other hand, it’s important to identify what are your weaknesses and work out if there’s ways to overcome things you find challenging or lack confidence in. It might be the case that there are certain things you’ll never get no matter how hard you try or aspects of your autism you’d like to change but can’t because it makes you the person you are and have to work with it. An example of this is that every autistic person would love not to have anxiety ever again, but they’ve got to come to terms that anxiety will play a role in that person’s life. They should focus on developing coping strategies or systems that works for them and hopefully gets them to a place where their anxiety doesn’t stop them from living their lives.
As an autistic person who always questioned themselves as a child which just added unwanted stress and pressure, I wrote a page or two in a journal of all the qualities I’ve got and the things that I’m most grateful for, which become a mindfulness exercise as a way of grounding oneself to look at the good things I have in my life and not let my mind get carried away with things I don’t have or that are essentially outside of my control. I also accepted my flaws and made peace with past mistakes and try my best not to compare my journey with others.
Practice self-compassion exercises
By practicing self-compassion exercises and challenging your negative beliefs about your autism are great ways of building a positive outlook of how you see your autism and learn to embrace it despite whatever challenges it brings. Autistic people aren’t broken people with defects, they’re people who see the world and process information in different ways. Even though autism can bring complexities to an autistic person’s life and the family unit, but your uniqueness is what makes you the individuals you are and never let neurotypical people get you down or tell you that you can’t achieve anything in life.
Mindfulness techniques are very useful when changing one’s perspectives on their autism from turning negative views into positive ones. I will be doing a newsletter about mindfulness and how it can benefit autistic people in the near future. Despite me questioning my autism as a child, I’ve come to accept my autism when becoming an adult and never let anyone tell me I can’t achieve anything. I always said that autistic people can achieve anything if they put their mind, soul and hard work ethic into it.
In conclusion, autistic people do possess valuable abilities and unique perceptions that can make the world a better place and, despite the day-to-day challenges that autism can bring to those on the autistic spectrum, they are some of the most lovely, polite and kind people you will come across in the world. Autistic people do have certain attributes, like: lateral thinking, authenticity and deep focus and many others, that can be seen as ‘gifts’ and brings positivity to an autistic person’s life. Whereas attributes, like: social interactions, sensory overloads, mental health struggles and many others, brings extra challenges to autistic people and can be seen as ‘curses’.
Despite the misjustices that autistic people face, which I’ve witnessed on many occasions, I do truly believe that autistic people can achieve anything in life and set out to prove neurotypical people wrong in the limiting expectations they have for people on the autistic spectrum. Many of the points I’ve made in this newsletter are related to previous newsletters I’ve written about various topics relating to autism, like: communication, anxiety and mental health, social skills, sensory overloads, with many more to come in the near future.
By using a journal and practicing self-compassion exercises, you can identify what are your strengths and weaknesses and work out ways on nurturing and improving them to become the best version of yourself, in terms of personal development and be at peace with your greats and flaws to lead the best possible. Also, celebrate the small wins you make along the way as part of your journey because no one in this world truly knows your story other than yourself. Hold yourself accountable for the life you want to build, the person you want to become and never let your glow fade.